Suffering comes from resistance. From attachment to what we want, aversion to what we don’t, and longing for something to be other than what it is. This week I experienced many occasions when I wished for something to be other than what it was. I wished my son would go the f**k to sleep so that I could take a bath for the first time in months and get some work done before midnight. I wished my mom wasn’t having to go through chemotherapy. I wished I was more patient and less agitated with my husband.
“The only way to ease our pain is to experience it fully… it takes courage to simply relax with our own dynamic energy, just as it is, without splitting off and trying to escape.” — Pema Chodron, Taking the Leap
Wishing for something to be anything other than what it is doesn’t make it other than what it is, but rather amplifies our attachment, our feelings of discontent, anxiety, fear, bringing us further from peace. This doesn’t mean we are expected to fall in love with a challenging situation right off the bat (or even ever), but rather pause… detach in order to gain perspective. Lean into what is as it is in that very moment. Breathe… Choose gratitude. It’s not denying anything, but rather seeing everything fully, and then carefully choosing where to place our attention and energy and heart.
“…take an interest in your pain and fear. Move closer, lean in, get curious, even for a moment experience the feelings beyond labels, beyond being good or bad. Welcome them. Invite them. Do anything that helps melt the resistance. The next time you lose heart and you can’t bear to experience what you’re feeling, you might recall this instruction: change the way you see it and lean in.” — Pema Chodron, Taking the Leap
How fortunate I am that I get to be the one to lay in bed with my son for those two hours at night, listening to him sing every lyric to every song he’s ever heard. Thank God for modern medicine and treatments like chemotherapy. I am so grateful that I have the capacity to notice those moments when I am impatient and given countless opportunities to try again, act in a way that makes me feel proud next time, and grow my practice of being present.
May we continue to melt our resistance and foster our courage to lean in and stay with things exactly as they are.
Krystal Barschig 