My son is turning three at the end of December, and now, looking back over these first few years, I see that part of what made even the most challenging, hadn’t slept for 3 days straight times still feel kind of euphoric was that I was with my son, and he thought the world of me. And now that he’s almost three years old…well, there are times when he doesn’t look at me quite so adoringly, and I don’t feel like the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful, smart, admired woman in the world. (I’m sure those of you with teenagers are thinking, oh just you wait! And yes, of course I acknowledge it is totally unfair and unstable to place our value/self-worth in the hands of another, least of all our children, but sometimes it happens.)
“Everything worth having costs something, and the price of true love is self-knowledge. Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that will really address your needs.” — Daphne Rose Kingma
Our natural state is love/self-love. Somewhere along the way maybe we got distracted and forgot, but we can remember. It’s something we already know how to do. Our work comes in awakening to/illuminating those beliefs that got in the way and move them asides that our true nature — a huge, deep love expressed through compassion, gentleness, and kindness — can re-emerge to the forefront.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi
Remembering how to be (or rather that you already are) your own best friend begins with knowing your whole self — every inch inside and out, the light and the dark. It requires clearly seeing the parts that are easy to feel proud of just as well as those that don’t elicit such pride. And so we practice loving kindness and compassion with ourselves. The approval and admiration of others will wax and wane along the way, so instead of unfairly assigning the responsibility of our self-worth to someone else, we must fall madly in love with ourselves exactly as we are in this very moment.
“…loving-kindness — maitri — toward ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything. Martin means that we can still be crazy, we can still be angry. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already.” — Pema Chödrön, Comfortable With Uncertainty
Tap into your bottomless well of courage and practice being with yourself. The tendency of the mind is to escape. When this human occurrence happens, gently invite your awareness back. You are worthy of the investment of time and energy spent getting to know yourself.
Krystal Barschig 