To My Big, Loud Ego

I’ve noticed my ego has been very big and very loud lately. What do I mean? What does it look and sound like? How does it manifest in my day to day life?

First of all, I have very specific (often unfair) expectations to which I am very attached. I cling tightly to them and get really upset when things don’t turn out the way I want or just exactly as I think they ought to. Also, I take myself very seriously. I am concerned with how I am perceived and what others think of me.

These are two big red flags that indicate fear. That’s the ego. The ego is terrified of being relinquished, so that smaller self screams at the top of its lungs, sending messages saying: you’re not enough, you’re not worthy, you’re not lovable, so you have to present yourself in a certain way, trying very hard to prove worthiness and earn love. It leads us to act out of fear instead of love.

So, what’s the remedy?

I propose a 4-part answer:

Noticing. Pausing, getting quiet, finding stillness, and noticing. Acknowledging the fearful, childlike, tantrum-throwing ego. I see you. That is knowing and befriending all parts of yourself and holding them with compassion. You can do this right now by closing your eyes and turning your attention inward. Notice your physical body. Notice your breath. Notice your thoughts. Notice all of your human self just exactly as it is right now.
Connect to your higher, truest Self to remember and share the message of your inherent value and unconditional lovability.
Align with your intention. To live in alignment and with total integrity, we become very clear with our intentions. We check in constantly to be sure that our intentions are in alignment with our Truth. When we are fully connected and living from that place, external opinions, all other voices, doubt — they all fall away.
And finally, let go, open, allow for space. Big wide open space. Hovering in agelessness and union…yoga.

“We are like children building a sand castle. We embellish it with beautiful shells, bits of driftwood, and pieces of colored glass. The castle is ours, off limits to others. We’re willing to attack if others threaten it. Yet despite all our attachment, we know that the tide will inevitably come in and sweep the sand castle away. The trick is to enjoy it fully but without clinging, and when the time comes, let it dissolve back into the sea.” — Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart