I’ve been thinking lately about the importance of being heard and feeling understood. One of the hallmarks of being a good friend is being a good listener. A good friend will listen to you while you just get it out, and after talking with them you feel heard and understood.
We’re all familiar with the idea that we need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. I want to add that we must also befriend ourselves (for me there is a distinction), and I mean ALL parts of ourselves. Not just the bright and shiny, congenial parts that we are proud to identify with and show off, but also the shadow parts that are harder to befriend and seemingly less lovable. These are the parts that are usually ignored, silenced, pushed down, and drowned out, but they always rebound and resurface louder and louder each time until eventually they are screaming at the top of their lungs because they too need to be heard.
So, let’s practice being a good friend to and listening to ALL parts of ourselves. For me this requires getting quiet, still, and fully present. Listen with the intention of really hearing and honoring what your body and mind are saying to you in this very moment. If fear, anger, self-doubt, or any other uncomfortable feeling arises, bend your ear and listen to it. If it is fear, for example, you can remember that it developed in response to a stimulus at some point in time because danger was perceived. It’s showing up now in part as a muscle memory response and also to protect you. Perhaps today you just listen and become aware of that feeling. Maybe next time you listen and then say to that screaming fear, “I hear you. Thank you for trying to protect me. This moment is different than the one you are remembering. We are safe here.” Sitting and listening is an act of bravery; it is wise and admirable.
Krystal Barschig 