The other day I listened to this episode of The Good Life Project Podcast featuring Jennifer Pastiloff who is honest, inspiring, bad-ass, and among many other things a yoga instructor and author. She recounted a time when she was giving a talk to a group of people and accidentally said “monstra” instead of “mantra.” And she was like, oh my god, how fortuitous — monstra! That’s like a mantra’s evil twin.
A monstra is like a mantra in that it’s a powerful statement we repeat over and over to ourselves. But unlike a mantra, a monstra is untrue and harmful. Pastiloff offered her personal monstra as an example, which is: I am a bad person. Your monstra is something that you tell yourself (or was told to you and you adopted as your own at some point in your life), and even though it is untrue, you’ve said it to yourself enough and sought out occasions to affirm it’s validity, that you began to believe it to be true and it has become part of your subconscious.
Lately I’ve been catching my son (particularly when he’s tired, frustrated, and/or fearful) saying, “I can’t. I just can’t!” when trying to do something even the slightest bit challenging. So, naturally, as a well-intentioned mom I’ve set out to help him name his feelings, re-direct his mindset, and remember his sense of self-efficacy and unshakable belief in his strength and limitless abilities. In so doing, I’ve come face to face with my own monstra which is, of course: I can’t. I just can’t.
I was shocked, appalled, in denial, and then ashamed when I realized just how often this almost imperceptibly audible, looping, background narrative drones through my body and mind when I’m faced with difficulty. That phrase, “I can’t” was absolutely not in my vocabulary for much of my life. I don’t know when or how it first made its appearance, but somewhere along the line it crept in. I believed it to be true, subconsciously gathered evidence to support this bogus claim, and off it ran, shaping my idea of who I think I am. So, that’s my monstra. Well, maybe one of my monstras.
Take a moment to think, or rather listen, and hear your (current) monstra. Say it to yourself. Notice your feelings surrounding that message. Stay with me, here comes the cool, transformative part. Press pause on that old, tired track. Now suggest to yourself that the opposite it true simply by stating it to yourself. For example, I would say, “I can.” You don’t even have to believe what you’re saying yet. Begin to gently release and open to the idea that maybe just this once you’re mistaken — that your monstra is false and this new, empowering mantra which does serve, inspire, and support you is true. Repeat your new mantra. Breathe into it. Move mindfully to embody and breathe it into every cell. Repeat your new mantra again, and again, and again until you know it to be true.
Krystal Barschig 