I grew up with a strong work ethic. I was extremely driven and industrious. I also grew up with a strong yearning for approval. This meant I worked really, really hard to achieve (external) rewards in the form of attention from people I looked up to, accolades from elders, applause, trophies, high grades, scholastic honors, love, love, love, comfort, validation, more love.
Usually the doing of the thing which earned the required a lot of effort either mentally, physically, emotionally, or some combination of these. In my observation of myself and the world around me, it seemed to be that the greatest effort yielded the grandest reward. Laziness was like the greatest sin as far as I was concerned. So, in my child mind I deduced that if the amount of effort put forth was directly proportionate to the amount of success attained, then when I fell short of achieving something or failed to get what I wanted, it could only be because I didn’t try hard enough.
This is, of course, a self-centered and overly simplistic conclusion which fails to include countless other factors contributing to… well, things just working out the way they do sometimes. I find it amazing how common it is to find these immature, un-evolved ideas we developed as small children and are still clinging to and accepting as truth when we start to uncover and examine ourselves a bit.
So anyway, this antiquated “do more! try harder!” philosophy of mine (which, by the way, never actually addresses the fear and feeling of incompleteness motivating such behavior) left very little time or opportunity for doing things just for fun. Now, this isn’t to say there was no fun or joy or pleasure, there was — those were very welcomed byproducts. But the idea of doing something solely for the experience of joy or pleasure quite frankly seemed like a total waste of time. To be honest, I still love efficiency and practicality SO much… too much! I think motherhood has exacerbated my pre-existing imbalance toward pragmatism as my time and attention have become two of my most precious commodities, and I constantly catch myself in the idea that I am impoverished when it comes to time.
BUT I’m learning that experiencing joy and pleasure is less about what we’re doing, and more about how we’re doing it. It’s less about uprooting ourselves — making wild and erratic changes, and more about shifting perspective — making subtle changes in the placement of our attention within the seemingly mundane activities we do throughout the day.
Doing this work of opening to pleasure requires a deep listening to yourself and a strong connection to your intuition. This kind of joyful existence requires mindfulness and intention, gentleness, suppleness, and soft-heartedness.
Today I invite you to move through your day with the intention of experiencing joy and pleasure. Go ahead and give yourself permission, allow yourself to experience pleasure for pleasure’s sake. Do one thing with no objective other than experiencing joy. And when you do that thing (whatever it is), be fully present with it. Indulge yourself completely, take in the experience (however brief or extended) with all the senses. Enjoy!
“You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles, repenting, You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” — Mary Oliver
Krystal Barschig 