Every week I get up in front of a group of people to lead a yoga class. Sometimes I begin by sharing a personal anecdote or some otherwise unspoken, secret conversation that happens in my head. But more than that, my intention is to really be present with the human beings seated before me — to allow myself to see and be seen. And I love it! I love being with and guiding people in this way. I love the whole process of creating the class, too — choosing a theme, doing the reading, writing the words, choreographing the movement, crafting an experience, practicing it all several times myself. I love it all, AND doing all of this makes me feel really vulnerable.
As much as I love it, every week there is a part of me (sometimes it’s a tiny part, sometimes it’s a big part) that hopes no one will show up. Because if no one shows up I’m off the hook, and I won’t have to do this hard and scary thing… at least that day. This is the truth. But what is also true is that every week that feeling of terror changes in an instant, and that instant is when the first student walks through the door. In that moment I become so happy, and I think to myself, oh thank god you’re here! The excitement to share and the memory of how wonderful it feels just to be in the same room with them comes flooding back. I go through this cycle every week. Every. Single. Week. You think by now I’d learn and I could bypass that whole terror part, but that just doesn’t seem to happen.
And yet every week, I choose again and again to do this thing which makes me feel so vulnerable not just because I like to hear myself talk about myself, or get such a kick out of my self-deprecating comments and bad dad jokes, but also because I have witnessed the potential for connection that is born of being vulnerable, of taking the risk to be honest and open, of showing up and saying, “Here I am.” And so every week, ego, shame, pride, and fear (while all very much still there) take a back seat because the hope for connection and the power and fulfillment it brings are greater. Being vulnerable takes courage, but we do it because we know it’s worth it.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” — Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead*
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we don’t know what’s going to happen next. There is a loss of control, or rather a forfeiting of the illusion of control. All we can do is act with intention and integrity, and then practice surrender. Being vulnerable means agreeing to practice radical presence and total honesty in our response to this moment right here and now. Yes, it is risky. You determine for yourself what is at risk and if it’s worth it.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anaïs Nin
I want to clarify that vulnerability is not necessarily about telling our deepest, darkest, dirtiest, most raw secret. And connection isn’t to be confused with consensus, for getting everyone to nod in agreement. Vulnerability and connection are about seeing and being seen. When I stand in front of a group of students to teach a yoga class, though I do all the talking, I view the experience as an energetic conversation, a give and take.
Every week I get up in front of a group of people and do this vulnerable thing. And every week they come to my class and THEY TOO do this honest, often challenging thing. They volunteer to be vulnerable because they believe in the power and value the union doing so brings. I am profoundly inspired by each person who shows up, and I aspire to mirror back to them the courage and openheartedness they shine in my direction. I am perpetually floored by the way they dare to be present and their willingness to connect to themselves, me, and one another. I am so grateful.
*Brené Brown is a research professor who has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She is an author, speaker, and THE voice on this hot topic of vulnerability. If you’re looking for more on this topic, pick up one of her books, listen to her TED talk, read one of her interviews, or listen to a podcast on which she is featured. She has a ton of empowering wisdom and freeing insight to share.
Krystal Barschig 