I remember as a kid often wondering who I was going to be when I grew up. What would I look like? What kind of work would I do? How would I act? What sorts of things would I say?
I didn’t understand that I was going to be the same person (and in fact look very much the same as I did then… just bigger and older). I thought I was going to transform into a completely different and unrecognizable person. The mystery of looming transformation felt a little scary, but mostly exciting.
The temptation for that kind of fantasizing still arises for me now and again, except now it’s more like: Who am I going to be once I become a master meditator? After I lose a few pounds? Once my son is in school full time?
The answer, of course, is that I’m still going to be the same me. Maybe a little kinder, maybe wearing jeans with a different size printed on the tag, maybe working outside of my home more… but still the same ol’ me.
I’ll probably still be a human being who feels fearful, experiences stress, and maybe even still feels like I don’t have enough time in my day to complete the impossibly long list of tasks I create for myself.
And so, my focus shifts to learning to be with and love myself, this very version of me, right. now. Because if I can’t sit with and love this me right now, then even if that imaginary, improved version of myself were to magically appear one day, I would be so unpracticed at loving myself that I wouldn’t even be capable of loving her anyway.
I feel this is particularly important to remember as this year and decade come to a close, the new year and decade begin, and the temptation/pressure to re-invent, change, or fix our present selves swells. Don’t get me wrong, I think goal-setting can potentially be fantastic, but we’ve gotta check the intention/motivation behind the goal. Achieving the goal (no matter what it is) will bring us neither happiness nor love. It works the other way around. You start with love, and then from there you can achieve remarkable things.
Happy new year to the same, outstanding, beautiful you!
Krystal Barschig 